The Potty Wanderer and Other Tall Tales about Short People

Avery and Lexie do hilarious things every day that make me laugh. But, because I've never caught up on the sleep I missed during the first 1.5 years of their lives, my Mommy brain can rarely remember what those things are more than an hour after they happen.

By some miracle, I've managed to recall a few magic moments from the past few weeks that don't warrant their own individual blog posts but are chuckle-worthy enough to mention. Let's hope I won't need a dose of ginkgo biloba to keep from forgetting them as I type...

Story #1: Lexie the Potty Wanderer

Lexie is doing a great job potty training. She rarely has accidents and enjoys making visit after visit after visit to the restroom at church, the grocery or anywhere else where we might be for more than five seconds. It's not like you can say "no," right?

At home, however, her potty preferences are very specific. Recently, she has decided that the commode in Mommy and Daddy's water closet is the best throne in the house and the place where she should relieve herself.

Apparently, though, she also wants it to have all the amenities of the bathroom that she shares with her sister. Since those amenities are portable, she carries them with her to her toilet of preference. It's a funny sight to see a 2.5 year old lugging a creme-colored step stool in one hand and a Sesame Street-themed potty seat in the other, bumping into every wall and door between her bathroom and our bathroom.

She's like a mini gypsy. All she needs is a sign: "Have potty seat; will travel."

Sometimes, she will delegate responsibility for toting her potty training tools to me. "Mommy, you get Elmo seat. Mommy, you bring it," Lexie says while nodding in affirmation. Knowing that refusing to help will only further delay what is already a ridiculously lengthy process to pee, I always offer my assistance as lavatory lackey.

After the pieces are in position, Lexie often instructs me to sit on the stool and talk to her while she sits atop her throne. The stool can't just sit anywhere. It has to be scooted against the wall. I guess you're allowed to give orders when you're the queen of the bathroom castle.

Once her pee pee is put in its proper place, we deconstruct the whole set up and return it to its home in the twins' bathroom. More bumping into and banging against the walls, which terrifies Stella, our cat.

Although this new restroom routine is cumbersome and the opposite of efficient, it seems to give Lexie great joy. If she can get this excited about making a journey to the bathroom, I can't imagine what she's going to do when we travel to Disney World.

Story #2: No Room in the Stall

I swear, potty training isn't all I'm going to blog about for the rest of my children's lives, but since it requires a lot of my attention these days, you get to hear about it a lot. Lucky you.

As you might guess with twins, Avery and Lexie are very close. They like to play together, dance together, read together... you get the picture. That's why it's not totally unexpected that the girls also like to go potty together. Much to Mommy's dismay, though, that includes an odd obsession with looking at each other's poop.

When Lexie is on the throne, Avery will wedge herself in between the wall and the commode. After the potty princess does her business, Lexie immediately yells, "I go poop!" In response, Avery will say, "I want to see it." At that point, Lexie will lean over, so her sissy can get a good glimpse.

Gross.

It's not like I'm just sitting idly by while this is happening. I have tried to physically drag Avery and Lexie out of the bathroom to give the other some "private time." But, they want none of that. They will kick, scream, cry and attach themselves to the wall all in an effort to stay in the room where the stink is. I don't get it. Maybe you have to be a Wonder Twin to understand.


Story #3: The Artful Drawers

Avery and Lexie are now in the Older Twos class at school, and because they go every weekday, they never miss a single art project. The stuff they bring home is incredibly cute - giraffes with yellow cups for noses, brown ants made from their tiny fingerprints and rocket ships on popsicle sticks that can really fly... with a little imagination.

We like to display their pretty pictures on the windows of our kitchen, so everyone who comes into the house can applaud their artistry. Apparently, that's what they truly consider it.

On the ride home after the girls' first day in the Older Twos, they kept talking about colors, so I asked if they used those particular colors of crayons to draw pictures in class. Avery replied, "No, Mommy, I make art."

Oh, excuse me. I meant no insult, future Picasso.

I fully support her interest in all things paint, Play-Doh or crayon. Who knows? Maybe she's got my grandfather's talent. If I can sell her artwork on eBay to make money for college tuition or maybe that new black pair of heels I've been looking at, I'm all for it.