Tuesday, September 22, 2009

The Name Game

Of all the pregnancy-related questions I get asked by friends, colleagues and complete strangers on a regular basis, the most common one is "Have you picked out names yet?"

My 81-year-old grandmother in Pennsylvania just asked me that yesterday. She's knitting Christmas stockings for the Wonder Twins and needs to know their names before she can start winding the red and green yarn around her needles. You see, grandma knits stockings for everyone in the family, and the name always goes at the top of the sock.

"Can't you start at the toe?" I inquired. "No," she said. "That won't work."

Well, unfortunately, I had to tell her the same thing that I tell my friends, colleagues and total strangers: We aren't saying for sure until we meet the girls.

I'll be honest. It's not like we really think we're going to change our minds in the minutes post delivery. We're really using it as more of an excuse to avoid the following hypothetical, yet extremely awkward situations:

1. As soon as I divulge the girls' names, the face of the person I'm talking to is either totally expressionless (bad) or contorts into a fake smile (also bad) while mumbling, "Oh, those are... nice names." Whatever. You hate them. Thanks for your sincerity.

2. Upon hearing the names, the person immediately exclaims with vigor, "I have a third cousin who's a stripper in Wyoming with that SAME name!" OMG! I'm so NOT excited.

3. After I share the names, the person says, "There are 14 girls with those exact names in my son's preschool class. He doesn't get along with any of them." Great. Have you ever thought that it might be your son?

All of those scenarios and thousands of others would definitely make us question the names we've picked for ridiculous reasons. Since we happen to like the names we've picked, we've decided to avoid the weird commentary and keep them a secret until the big day comes.


We will let you know that the babies' middle names are easily pronounceable family names unlike "Dara" and "Geof." You'd be surprised how many times a day we get "Darrah" and "Gee-off."

We'll also tell you some name combinations that we didn't pick:

1. Demi Levine - Sure, "Demi" works as a first name for movie star "Demi Moore," but not so much for the daughter of someone named Dara Demi Levine. Waaaay too confusing when the teenaged boys start calling.

2. Dara Demi Levine, Jr. - No way. Not happening. Sounds like a weird Jewish country song.

3. Geoffina Levine - First, that's not even a name. Second, her nickname would definitely be "Geoffina Levina," which reminds me of "Julia Gulia" in the movie, "The Wedding Singer," with Adam Sandler. That's just mean. We would like the girls to actually have social lives when they're older.

I'm fairly certain I haven't given you enough clues to figure out their names. So, I guess you'll just have to wait until delivery day to find out!

Don't you just love a good cliffhanger? :)

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